In our province, it was customary for individuals around the age of fifteen, both girls and boys, to marry. Elders arranged the marriages of their children, often deciding from as young as five or six years old who would marry whom. As I approached puberty, discussions of marriage began for me as well. Thinking it was time to consider how and with whom I should marry, I had certain criteria in mind that I began to write down. My first criterion was that my spouse should not have more than five or six years of education; just enough to read and write, so if I needed to send a note home, there wouldn’t be any issues. I believed my wife should not be more educated than me; I thought if she were, it might lead to her disobedience, feeling superior, and possibly conflict. The man is the head of the family and should have a higher level of education. Other criteria included no physical disabilities and coming from a moderately wealthy family, neither too rich nor impoverished, as both extremes can lead to corruption. My future wife also needed to be younger than me.
Whenever a suitable match came up, I would check against my criteria, which often delayed my marriage. The options were either too poor, too wealthy, or too beautiful for my preference. I wanted to adhere to my standards.
I had a classmate who was exceptionally beautiful, with blond hair and striking blue eyes, not fitting the local look, resembling a foreigner. Although both our families were keen on the match, her brother had a somewhat tarnished reputation, which deterred me from pursuing the relationship. She eventually married a doctor from Tehran and moved there. This was until 1945; I was in the military at the time. One Friday night, I got leave and visited a friend’s acquaintance in Sarcheshmeh. Being punctual with my prayers, I went to a nearby mosque. While taking ablutions, I noticed a very modern woman nearby; I didn’t look at her. She realized I hadn’t recognized her and called out to me. It was her, my former classmate, surprised to find her there, and we caught up briefly. The woman standing with her turned out to be her sister-in-law, who misunderstood our familiarity as something more, When the doctor inquires, she says he was a classmate, not, for example, a relative. In short, her husband becomes suspicious, and the situation escalates; the woman, who was quite assertive, slapped her husband so hard that he falls down the stairs; then she goes on to divorce him.
I took leave on New Year’s Eve and went to the village; when I arrived home, I saw that the same woman was sitting in our house; I asked why and she recounted the story. After this incident, she married again; she did not get along with her second husband either and separated from him; one of the reasons for these unsuccessful marriages was her inability to have children; I believe she married three or four times until she finally had a child and settled down.
People should always be cautious, mindful of their lives, understanding that every action, every association, and interaction has consequences. The human nature is complex, balancing between sexual desires and rational thought. While sexual attraction is natural and powerful, it’s crucial for a person to be guided by reason, not just desire. Many marital disputes arise from failing to apply rational thinking, choosing partners based on passion rather than compatibility in thought and lifestyle. True partnership in marriage requires equality in thought and understanding, ensuring that both parties are on the same level intellectually and culturally to avoid conflicts and ensure a harmonious relationship.
After that episode, another interesting event occurred when I was about twenty-four years old, freshly returned from military service. A family from Tehran, whom we held in high regard, visited us. They had a daughter who was age-appropriate but exceptionally beautiful, well-proportioned, with large eyes and long hair. Being young myself, I was quite smitten with her. During the week they stayed with us, there were hints of a marriage proposal for me. When they returned to Tehran, they invited me to visit their home. Upon my visit, the daughter wasn’t home initially as she was attending high school. When she arrived, we had tea, and she showed me her photo album. Their social interactions, including mixed-gender outings, didn’t align with my values. The more I considered it, the more conflicted I became between attraction and reason, eventually deciding she wasn’t the right match for me due to our differing backgrounds and values. Despite the attraction, I excused myself, citing unfinished business back in Karaj, and hastily left. She was from a respectable family, but not a match for my criteria. She eventually married a jeweler in Tehran.
There were more instances like this. While working in a fruit distribution center in Karaj, a supplier’s daughter visited; her mother later invited me to their home, hinting at a marriage proposal. Upon visiting, I discovered moral deviations within the family and decided against pursuing the relationship, citing financial instability as a reason whenever they followed up. Another potential match was politically inclined and older than me, which also did not come to fruition. These experiences underscore the importance of logical thinking and discernment in life. The human condition is torn between sexual desires and rational thought. While sexual attraction is natural and intense, rational decision-making must prevail. Many marital issues today stem from decisions based on desire rather than rational compatibility. A spouse means equal partnership in thought, not just in physical or emotional terms. This principle applies to all aspects of life, including sports like wrestling, where competitors must be in the same weight class to ensure fairness. Marriages, like all relationships, must be approached with a balance between emotional attraction and intellectual compatibility to avoid conflicts and ensure a fulfilling partnership. Family conflicts and turmoil can significantly impact children, often leading them towards deviant behavior. The absence of peace and stability within the family unit can cause children to become thieves, drug traffickers, addicts, or engage in other forms of misconduct. The distress experienced within the family is reflected in the children, who may seek various ways to cope with their issues, often without understanding the correct path to take. This underscores the importance of maintaining a harmonious and stable family environment to foster healthy development in children and prevent them from veering onto destructive paths.